State of Grace
by sashsweetie
Summary: CJ and Abbey start talking...but where will they end?


CJ stood on the balcony of the hotel, lost in thought. Staring out at the town below her, she slowly took a drag of her vanilla-flavoured cigarette. CJ didn't usually smoke, but for whatever reason, she'd seen the cigarettes in the hotel shop and decided to buy them. She was sure everyone else was down in the bar having a good time, but tonight CJ had opted out. It was relaxing, being in her room alone, with just a bottle of wine, her cigarettes, and the bathtub for company. She smiled to herself. Alone time wasn't something CJ Cregg usually got. Finishing her cigarette, she stamped it out on the railing and flicked it over the side. She picked up her glass of wine and leaned back over the railing. It was so peaceful here in small-town nowhere. This evening was a tiny drop of peace in the wind-ridden lake that was the campaign trail.

"Enjoying yourself, Claudia Jean?" The First Lady's voice drifted across her train of thought. Abbey was standing on the balcony of the room next door, teasing her.

"I didn't realise I was next door to you, Ma'am."

"Abbey, please." CJ nodded in affirmation. "The President is off somewhere, but I've had enough of being polite to people today" Abbey grinned.

"Want to join me?" CJ invited. She wouldn't mind catching up with Abbey. They hadn't had a good talk in a while. "I have wine."

"You wouldn't mind?" CJ shook her head.

"I'd be glad for your company. We haven't talked in a while." Abbey sighed.

"I know. I've been keeping everyone at a distance." Abbey lowered her eyes.

"I noticed." Abbey's eyes flickered over CJ's face wonderingly.

"I'll be over in a minute." She said softly, disappearing into her room. A few moments later she appeared at CJ's door.

"Come in" CJ smiled, pouring her a glass of wine.

"Thanks." Abbey took a seat on one of the beds.

"It's nice to get a chance to relax." CJ commented, sitting down beside her.

"It's been a difficult few months for all of us." Abbey agreed, sighing. CJ nodded, her eyes resting briefly on Abbey's face as a look of sadness washed over it, before being replaced with a mask of pleasantness.

"So, taking a night away from the boys?" she questioned, smiling again. CJ looked down at the bed.

"Abbey...I know I work for your husband." She paused. "But you can be honest with me, if you want to be." She looked at Abbey, unsure what the reception would be. Abbey looked shocked.

"Can I, Claudia Jean?" she started harshly. "I wasn't sure I was allowed to be open with my husband's staff anymore."

"Why not?" CJ asked, confused.

"He doesn't care about my opinion." Abbey stated bluntly. "I didn't think my previous friendliness with you all was approved of anymore."

"I don't know." CJ replied honestly. "But I miss our conversations" she smiled "and our arguments."

Abbey laughed at that. "Me too" she admitted, sobering again. "Thank you for being so direct, CJ. I appreciate it, and I'm glad to know I can trust you to be a friend to be as well as a member of my husband's staff. God knows I need someone I can be honest with besides _him_." CJ noticed the emphasis she placed on the President, confirming her fears that all was not as good as it seemed to be in the Bartlet marriage.

"You didn't want him to run again" she realised out loud. Abbey shook her head.

"No." She was surprised that CJ had picked that up. She'd been nothing but supportive of Jed in public the last little while. "We had a deal. I'd put my life on hold and do this for him for one term, and one term only." She looked up at CJ sadly. "Is it so bad that I want my own life, not just to be my husband's accompaniment?"

CJ looked her in the eye and shook her head. "You're much more than that, Abbey" she informed the other woman strictly. "You do so many good things through your office."

"I did more as a surgeon." Abbey said dully "far more."

"You want your freedom." Abbey nodded.

"Yes." CJ lapsed back into thought as they sat in silence for a while, each turning thoughts over while making their way through glasses of wine. Abbey had given up everything for her husband, CJ thought to herself, and then he broke their deal, and she was being forced to give up even more.

"I'm sorry, Abbey." She murmured out loud.

"It's what you do for people you love" Abbey said sadly. "You make sacrifices for them."

"But to sacrifice everything…" CJ trailed off. It wasn't something she could imagine doing for another person. "Isn't there a point you reach when you have nothing left to give?" she looked up at Abbey, wondering what the answer would be.

"I wonder sometimes if I haven't reached it" Abbey's eyes met CJ's and she didn't look away. CJ blushed and broke eye contact.

"More wine?" she asked awkwardly, standing to get the bottle.

"Please" Abbey smiled. CJ poured them each a fresh glass and then reclined back on the bed.

"I haven't done this in so long" she closed her eyes, letting relaxation wash over her.

"Taken time for yourself?" Abbey sipped her wine, leaning on one elbow.

"Yeah."

"I can imagine" Abbey raised her eyebrows. "None of you ever leave before midnight any more."

"All any of us have is the job anyway" CJ pointed out. "We're friends with one another, we live to work." She shrugged. "There's nothing waiting for me at home."

"Don't you want something different?" Abbey asked quietly.

"Frequently" CJ joked. "But yes, sometimes I think about a different life. I'm happy, but there are parts missing that would never work with the hours we keep."

"Like a life outside the West Wing."

"Point taken" CJ grinned. "I'll have a life outside my job later. There's lots of time."

Abbey reflected on her own life momentarily. "You should be able to have both. My life might be bearable if Jed could have both." CJ put her hand on top of Abbey's gently. "I don't love him any more" Abbey admitted desolately, tears coming to her eyes. "That's what this job took from me more than everything else."

CJ didn't know what to say, so she just rubbed Abbey's hand gently while Abbey cried.

"I'm sorry, CJ" Abbey whispered later, her face tear stained.

"Why?" CJ asked.

"I shouldn't be putting all this on you." Abbey looked ashamed. CJ sat up and hugged her.

"It's what friends are for, isn't it?" Abbey nodded into her shoulder before pulling back.

"I should head back" she said quietly. CJ nodded.

"Okay."

"But you should come for dinner one night next week when the President is out of town."

"That would be great." CJ climbed off the bed and walked Abbey to the door.

"Thank you again, Claudia Jean" Abbey kissed her softly on the cheek before walking out the door, leaving CJ with several things to ponder that evening.


End file.
